Guest Post: Conversations with a Toddler

I am honored today to host this pants-peeing post from Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama. When you're done laughing, do check out her amazing blog and show her lots of love.

I subscribe to a parenting philosophy in which I believe that adults do not need to prattle on to their children endlessly. Young children need their minds kept clear so that they may focus on their own creativity, imagination, awe, and wonder without our adult logic and reason interfering. I am not suggesting that you sit in silence with your wee ones all day long but instead of chit-chat, consider filling the space with humming or song. Of course, there are times where conversation is warranted and there are times when conversation becomes part of connecting with and parenting your children. Again, not suggesting you tape your lips shut lest you damage your children with all of your chatter. After all, if you were NEVER to speak to your children, you might miss some rather entertaining bits of wisdom.

My 2 ½ year old is never short on whitty remarks. Her thoughts are clearly articulated in her little toddler way. So while you sit quietly and just enjoy being with your children, go ahead and get a chuckle out of these recent conversations I had (interspersed with humming and song of course) with my toddler.

Tiny: “Mama, go away.”
Me: “I am folding diapers right now. I need to be here.”
Tiny: “Mama, GO AWAY now.”
Me: “Ok.”
Tiny: “No mama. Stay, Hold me.”
Me: “Ok.”
Tiny: “Mama, go away. Move.”
Clearly there is no win-win here.

Me: “You many help me get the mail now.”
Tiny: “Not yet. Pants off.”
Me: “You may keep your pants on until we get back inside.”
Tiny: “Me naked. Me get mail.”
(We live on a super busy street and I don’t want the world seeing Tiny in the nude)
Me: “Honey, your pants stay on when we are out front.”
Tiny: “Ok. Mommy take pants off?”
This is the point where I pick her up and get the mail.

Tiny: “May-may eat poop.”
Me: “Yuck. Yes, Damian is eating poop. Sometimes dogs eat poop.”
Tiny: “Daddy eat poop. Daddy a dog.”
I was peeing myself from laughing so hard at this point.

Tiny: “Made gassy. Big gassy.”
Me: “Now your tummy will feel better.”
Tiny: “No, tummy hurt.”
Me: “Well, try making more gassy or a poop.”
Tiny: (Making a very determined face) “Gassy stuck. Get it mommy.”
Me: “You have to make it come out. No one else can do that for you.”
Tiny: “Get it mommy. NOW!”
I rub her tummy to which Tiny replies: “Mommy grab it. Get spoon.”
Really? A spoon?

Me: “Tiny, please hurry. We are late.”
Tiny: “Not yet, story first.”
Me: “Honey, I am sorry but we have to go now. I will tell you a story in the car.”
Tiny: “Me no go. Gigi come. Stay and read book.”
Me: “Tiny, I am going to pick you up so we can go. Sorry, but we are late and Gigi cannot come over today.”
Tiny: “Ass farm.”
We still have NO clue what an ass farm is but when Tiny gets mad, she says it.

Tiny: “Mommy, daddy mad.”
Me: “We are fine love. Mommy and daddy are sorry for being loud at dinner.”
Tiny: “Mommy mean?”
Me: “No, mommy is nice. Daddy is…” and before I could finish…
Tiny: “Jackass.”
Oh gosh…I have no idea where she learned that. I swear!

Tiny: “Love you mommy.”
Me: “Ahhh, I love you too. I love when you love me!”
Tiny: “Love bunny more.”
Greeeat! Competition with a stuffed bunny!

And last but not least…
Me: “Off we go to the park.”
Tiny: “Me ride horsey with penis.”
I still haven’t stopped laughing from that one.

Hope you enjoyed this week’s conversations with Tiny. She is a laugh a minute I tell you! I’m going to miss toddler talk someday.
Blessings,
Jennifer