Wordless Wednesday: Bubbles

Stress

I was mean tonight.

I was mean tonight when I yelled,
"Enough is enough!" and
slammed the cupboard door.

I was mean tonight because
the garbage bag pulling and
the 2+ consecutive hours of whining and
the I-can-only-sit-in-your-chair and
the I-can-only-eat-your-food and
the I-only-want-to-drink-your-water and
the I-need-to-touch-every-dirty-thing-sticking-out-of-the-sink and
the I'm-too-tired-to-pick-up-my-toys and
the I-would-rather-bash-my-face-into-a-doorknob-than-let-you-brush-my-teeth
finally got to me.

I was mean when
I sent them out of the kitchen because
yet another glass of water
was purposely spilled on the floor.

And I was mean when I said
"I can't even talk to you right now!"
because I needed a moment to calm down.

I was mean tonight
but instead of being hard on myself,

I said:

"You need a break."




Yes, I was mean tonight.

And now tonight is over.

Sometimes, You Need to Sit Down to Eat

Mornings are busy. I'm sure there isn't one among you who feels differently. If you're working, getting kids to school or going to appointments, you might find taking the time to eat breakfast yourself takes a back seat. I was reminded of the importance of this the other day, though when in my morning rush, I finally stopped to savor the moment.

I always eat breakfast because I know how important it is and because I want to set that kind of example for H & P. During the week, I eat standing up. I get H & P's food first, sit them at the table and then go about doing a million "important" things. Dishes are always bugging me so I'm usually washing them while they eat. I might be also preparing Heidi's lunch for "school" and I'm probably not dressed yet. I need to change Piper's diaper, make the beds and make sure I have all the right books and notes I need. If I'm working, I'm making sure that lunch is available for them along with snacks, diapers are all set out and everything is relatively clean. All of these things take up so much time and I'm working at them with children hanging all over me saying "Pick?! Pick?!"

The other day was different. Heidi barely touched her breakfast and while Piper ate more of hers, I wasn't satisfied. I actually got to sit down in my chair to eat mine, but they had been long gone from the table by then. I decided I wanted Heidi to eat so I went over to her chair, sat down, put her on my lap and fed her. And she ate.

She ate because I was actually present with her instead of washing the "important" dishes. She ate because I was taking the time to feed her, hold her on my lap and let her know that it was important for her to eat. Most importantly was just that I took the time.

I've been letting other things get in the way of spending real time with my children in the morning. That is not to say that I do not spend any time with them at all and in fact, I habitually drop things that I'm doing to go and just sit with them on the couch for a few minutes. But since I value breakfast so much, I need to make more of an effort to make it a meal.

Every other meal we eat, we all sit down at the table, without fail. Breakfast should not be an exception. Dishes can wait. Clothing can *sort of* wait. They can't. They are watching me every moment, using me as a gauge for their own future behavior and this is not something I want them to repeat.

I had my reality check the other day and I'm listening. If nothing else, I will eat three meals a day, at a table, with my children.

Wordless Wednesday: Winter Water Play

Why I'm Attracted to Homeschooling/Unschooling

*Note: For the purpose of this post, I will be using the terms 'homeschooling' and 'unschooling' interchangeably. I am fully aware that they are not the same thing, but since I am not giving a lesson explaining their differences, (and I'm interested in both of them) I will be using both words throughout.

I've been meaning to write this post for a long, long time, but just haven't managed to hunker down and do it. A while ago, my cousin-in-law specifically requested a post such as this one and I am pleased to finally be delivering it to him. I hope it lives up to his expectations.

Quite some time ago, I was completely against homeschooling. I never had a bad experience with it, and I actually knew some people who were home schooled, but I thought that public school would give my future children a better view of the world and they would be exposed to more variety than at home. This was something my husband and I agreed on before we even got married, so I figured we were set.

Then, I had my children.

Like every parent, I want them to have every opportunity to expand, practice and exercise the talents that they have been blessed with. The idea that these gifts could be squashed or refuted by a teacher or a school is actually terrifying to me. I want to nourish each gift H & P have been blessed with and I'm not convinced that public school can do this. So let's look at a short list of the reasons I'm actually attracted to homeschooling and unschooling.

Freedom: I love the concept of school freedom. They can go to school anywhere, do a wide variety of things every day, use different curriculum or no curriculum at all depending upon their interests and have infinite opportunities for hands-on learning. This amount of freedom, to hand-pick what they will study, is also incredibly terrifying. Nevertheless, it is a process I would love to undertake if it meant that I could provide the freedom for them to blossom on their own time.

Individualized Curriculum: Yes, I'd like H & P to learn all they need to learn to be "successful" in life, but I would also like for them to do it on their own terms. If I can teach them math through art or science only through hands-on experiments, and that's the way they want to learn, they will actually want to do it. Children are not robots and should not be forced to fit some sort of pre-molded curriculum set if it doesn't work for them.

Unlimited projects: If I want to teach them how to cook at age 5 by actually cooking in the kitchen, I can. If I want to teach them science by planting and maintaining a garden, I can. If I want to teach them history by actually visiting a historical place during the school year, I could do that too. The project ideas are unlimited for homeschooled children because you can do so much more with a small group than you can with a large group. (Yes, I realize schools have plenty of projects and they take field trips, but it is still harder to give each child individual attention during that project or trip if there are 30 of them.) The possibilities for fun things to do with them are so exciting!

Options: Just because children are homeschooled, doesn't mean they can't participate in school activities if they choose. They could still be in band or sports, they could certainly take dance lessons or piano lessons, and if they wanted to, they could go to school! *gasp!* There are always options available for homeschooled children to be like "regular" kids as well as to make friends and "socialize" as often as you want.

College students are in charge of their education. They choose where they want to go, what courses to take and when to take them, and what their major area of study is. Why is it that younger children are not trusted to do the same? I trust my children and their inner guidance and I would relish the chance to support their own decisions about school.

Wordless Wednesday: More Artwork

Wordless Wednesday: Blueberry Frozen Yogurt

Kitchen Control

Welcome to the November Carnival of Natural Parenting: Kids in the Kitchen
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our participants have shared how kids get involved in cooking and feeding. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

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If I haven’t mentioned it before, I’m going to tell you now: I’m a bit of a control freak. Over the years, I’ve done a fair to decent amount of work on this “problem” and I’ve allowed other people to have control in some situations where I previously wouldn’t have felt physically comfortable doing so. Needless to say, I still have a lot of work to do before I am fully comfortable allowing my children to help me in the kitchen because of this intense need to control what is going on. However, I want my children to be comfortable in the kitchen, develop a love of cooking and the skills necessary to feed themselves from as young an age as possible. In other words, I need to suck it up. (Nevertheless, Additionally, On the other hand, how many more introductory phrases can I use in this post?)

Piper eating some bread or something.

Heidi is at the point where she will frequently ask me to help while I’m cooking. She wants to stir, dump ingredients into a bowl or pot, or use whatever utensil I have in the works. Certainly, this is only natural since she is a curious, intelligent young child and I know this to be true. It does not, however, make it any easier for me to “deal with” as someone who becomes physically changed by a lack of control.

In an effort to squelch this issue, I have tried pre-measuring everything for her to dump into whatever container we’re using, but this does not help me as much as one might think. She (and Piper) still sticks her fingers into whatever she’s dumping (or sometimes an entire hand) and this makes me twitch. I can feel my muscles start to tense up and from there, it’s only a matter of time before I become short-tempered and start restricting her activity. I wish I had some way of turning this off, but too many thoughts of waste and lack float through my head about how expensive the ingredients are and how I want whatever I’m making to still turn out well. Controlling in the kitchen is a real problem.

I’m working on it, as I said. Whenever I remember, I let her dump flour or sugar into a bowl, let her stir it a little or let her dump vegetables into a pot I’m working with. I think the best thing I can do is to allow her to help a little bit at a time in order to build up my comfort level as well as her skills. I have a strong desire for both of my children to be well versed in cooking from an early age; all I need to do is let that desire overpower my need for control in the kitchen.




***

Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

(This list will be live and updated by afternoon November 8 with all the carnival links.)

• Baking & letting go — Cooking with kids can be a mess. Nadia at Red White & GREEN Mom is learning to relax, be patient, and have fun with the process.
• Family feeding in Child of Mine — Lauren at Hobo Mama reviews Ellyn Satter's suggestions for appropriate feeding and points out where her family has problems following through.
• Children with Knives! (And other Kitchen Tools) — Jennifer at True Confessions of a Real Mommy teaches her children how to safely use knives.
• "Mommy, Can I Help?" — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment writes about how she lets her kiddos help out with cooking, despite her {sometimes} lack of patience!
• Solids the Second Time Around — Sheryl at Little Snowflakes recounts her experiences introducing solids to her second child.
• The Adventure of Toddler Tastebuds — The Accidental Natural Mama shares a few things that helped her daughter develop an adventurous palate.
• A Tradition of Love — Kelly at Becoming Crunchy looks forward to sharing the kitchen traditions passed on from her mom and has already found several ways to involve baby in the kitchen.
• The Very Best Classroom — Alicia C. at McCrenshaw's Newest Thoughts reveals how her kitchen is more than a place to make food - it's a classroom!
• Raising Little Chefs — Chef Mike guest posts on Natural Parents Network about how he went from a guy who couldn't cook to a chef who wanted to teach his boys to know how the food we love is made.
• In the Kitchen with my kids — Isil at Smiling like Sunshine shares a delicious soup recipe that her kids love.
• Papa, the Pancake Artist — Papa's making an incredible breakfast over at Our Mindful Life.
• Kids won't eat salad? Try this one! — Tat at Mum in Search is sharing her children's favourite salad recipe.
• Recipe For a Great Relationship — Cooking with kids is about feeding hearts as well as bellies, writes Hannah at Wild Parenting.
• The Ritual of Mealtimes — Syenna at Gently Parenting Twins writes about the significance of mealtimes in her family’s daily rhythm.
• Kid, Meet Food. Food, Kid. — Alburnet at What's Next? panicks about passing on her food "issues" to her offspring.
• Growing Up in the Kitchen — Cassie at There's a Pickle in My Life shares how her son is growing up in the kitchen.
• Harvesting Corn and History — From Kenna at School Garden Year: The kids in the school garden harvest their corn and learn how much history grows in their food.
• My Guiding Principles for Teaching my Child about Food — Tree at Mom Grooves uses these guiding principles to give her daughter a love of good food and an understanding of nutrition as well as to empower her to make the best choices for her body.
• Kitchen Control — Amanda at Let's Take the Metro writes about her struggles to relinquish control in the kitchen to her children.
• Food — Emma at Your Fonder Heart lets her seven month old teach her how to feed a baby.
• Kitchen Fun? — Adrienne at Mommying My Way questions how much fun she can have in a non-functional kitchen, while trying to remain positive about the blessings of cooking for her family.
• Kitchen Adventures — Erica at ChildOrganics shares fun ways to connect with your kids in the kitchen.
• Kids in the Kitchen: Finding the Right Tools — Melissa at Vibrant Wanderings shares some of her favorite child-sized kitchen gadgets and where to find them.
• The Kitchen Classroom — Laura at Authentic Parenting knows that everything your kids want to learn is at the end of the ladle.
• Kids in the Kitchen — Luschka from Diary of a First Child talks about the role of the kitchen in family communication and shares fun kitchen activities for the under two.
• Our Kitchen is an Unschooling Classroom. — Terri at Child of the Nature Isle explores the many ways her kitchen has become a rich environment for learning.
• Montessori-Inspired Food Preparation for Preschoolers — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now shares lots of resources for using Montessori food preparation activities for young children in the kitchen.
• My Little Healthy Eater — Christine at African Babies Don't Cry shares her research on what is the best first food for babies, and includes a healthy and yummy breakfast recipe.
• Two Boys and Papa in the Kitchen: Recipe for Disaster? — MudpieMama shares all about her fears, joys and discoveries when the boys and handsome hubby took over the kitchen.
• Food choices, Food treats — Henrietta at Angel Wings and Herb Tea shares her family's relationship with food.
• learning to eat — Catherine at learner mummy reflects on little M's first adventures with food.

• The Night My 7-Year-Old Made Dinner — Melodie at Breastfeeding Moms Unite! shares how her 7-year-old daughter surprised everyone by turning what started as an idea to play restaurant into pulling off making supper for her family.
• Cooking With a High-Needs Toddler — Sylvia at MaMammalia describes how Montessori-inspired activities and a bit of acceptance have helped her overcome hurdles in cooking while caring for a "high-needs" child.
• Kids in the Kitchen – teaching healthy food choices — Brenna at Almost All The Truth shares her belief in the importance of getting kids into the kitchen using her favorite cookbook for kids to develop healthy food choices now and hopefully into the future.
• Make Milk, Not War — Tamara at Tea for Three remembers the daily food fights as she struggled to feed a picky eater.
• teaching baby birds about good food. — Sarah at Small Bird on Fire writes about the ways in which her family chooses to gently teach their son how to make wise food decisions.
• 5 Ways to Enhance Your Baby or Young Toddler's Relationship with Food — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama shares simple ways to give your child a healthy beginning to her lifelong relationship with food.
• Toddler at the Table: 10 Creative Solutions — Moorea at Mamalady shares tips for preventing meal-time power struggles.
• How My Child Takes Responsibility During His Mealtime... — Jenny @ I'm a full-time mummy shares how she teaches and encourages her 32 months old son on adopting good manners and responsibilities during his mealtimes...
• Kids in the Kitchen: 6 Tips Plus a Recipe — Kristin at Intrepid Murmurings shares six tips for overcoming some of the the difficulties of cooking with multiple young sous chefs, and a recipe they all can agree on!
• How BLW has made me a better parent — Zoe at Mummykins shares how baby-led weaning has changed her approach to parenting.
• My Budding Chef — Jenny at Chronicles of a Nursing Mom is no cook but is happy that her daughter has shown an inclination and manages to whip up yummy goodies for their family.
• Kids in the Kitchen: An Activity for Every Age — Gaby from Tmuffin describes how she keeps her kids busy in the kitchen, whether they are one week old or two years old.
• The Phantastically Mutlipurposed Phyllo — Ana at Pandamoly shares how Phyllo is used to create enticing dishes at home! Anything can be made into a Struedel!
• Kitchen Kids — Laura from A Pug in the Kitchen shares her children's most favorite recipe to make, experience and eat.
• Independence vs. Connection in the Kitchen: won't you please get yourself your own snack already? — Lisa at Organic Baby Atlanta wishes her daughter would just go make a mess in the kitchen. But her daughter only wants to do it together.
• Grandma Rose's Kitchen — Abbie at Farmer's Daughter reminisces about her childhood and dreams of filling her kitchen with people, love, noise, and messes.
• Healthy Food Choices for Kids — Jorje offers one way to encourage children to make their own healthy food choices at MommaJorje.com.
• Cooking food to thrive rather than survive — Phoebe at Little Tinker Tales is trying to foster a lifetime of good food habits by teaching her children about the importance of avoiding junk, cooking healthy meals, and learning about the whole food process.
• Evolution of a self-led eater — Sheila at A Gift Universe shares the story of how her son grew from nursing around the clock to eating everything in sight, without her having to push.
• 10 Ways Tiny Helps In The Kitchen — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama explores the ways in which her toddler actively participates in kitchen-related activities.
• The Complexity of Feeding a Child — Feeding children a healthy diet is no straight-forward task, but Lisa at My World Edenwild shares some general guidelines to help your child thrive.
• Lactation Cookies — That Mama Gretchen shares a fun recipe that will benefit both mamas and babies!
• 50 of the Best Books, Websites, & Resources to Inspire Kids in the Kitchen — Need inspiration to get your kids in the kitchen? Dionna at Code Name: Mama rounds up some of the best books and websites that can serve as a source for ideas, recipes, and cooking with littles fun.
• A 4-year-old's smoothie recipe — Jen at Grow With Graces and her son set out to make a smoothie without the usual ingredients. She let him improvise. See how it turned out.
• Independent Food Preparation (My Toddler Can Do That?) — Megan at Montessori Moments shares simple ways for children to prepare their own healthy snacks.
• Follow Your Gut — Amy at Anktangle shares her philosophy about intuitive eating, and how she's trying to foster her son's trust in his own inner wisdom when he feels hungry.
• A TODDLER-STYLE LUNCH + RECIPE — Manic Mrs. Stone photographs how to have messy fun during lunchtime with a helpful toddler.

Wordless Wednesday: Together

The Art of Distraction

Welcome to the September Carnival of Natural Parenting: Parenting Through Play

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have shared how challenging discipline situations can be met with play. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

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Having children spaced 15 months apart has taught me a number of things, not the least of which is how important distraction can be. Instead of yelling, screaming or harshly disciplining my children in the midst of a brawl I offer a diversion for one or both of them. Not only does this work during a disagreement between them, but it also helps in other situations where patience may be hard to come by. Here is a list of ways that I distract my children playfully and the situations best suited to each technique.

Toys: Of course, this one is fairly easy. Many tears are shed over the lack of sharing of a toy and I am often called in as reinforcement. Depending on the situation, I may determine that one child or the other is going to take a turn to play with the toy, leaving the other child wanting for something. If it’s Piper, I usually look for the closest interesting thing be it another toy or a book and I will engage her in play with it in a way she is not necessarily used to. At other times, I will hold her and take her with me as I finish whatever I’m doing and she will usually forget about whatever problem she was experiencing.

If it’s Heidi, I will go through some elaborate questioning to determine what aspect of the toy she was most interested in and what other toy I can find for her that will meet that need. Within a matter of moments of actual conversation, I can usually change her mood completely. If I don’t find a toy that she is interested in, I’ll run through a long list of whatever items I can think of, making them sillier as I go on. That’s a sure fire way to bring a smile.

Actions: In some cases, I can distract Heidi by asking her to show Piper how to do something, rather than, say, dumping a bucket of water over her head. Alternatively, I can ask her to jump up and down, run in a circle, or perform some other action that physically changes whatever she was previously doing. Short of physically removing her from a situation, this is often the best way to help her modify her behavior while still allowing her to output all the intense energy she has. Thus, I like to do this when she is engaging in some sort of physical action that is less than pleasurable for another person (usually Piper) as it is often the fastest way to change.

“Hey, look at that!”: This is probably the best distracter of them all, one that has been used for eons in every situation imaginable. I was recently blessed by having my husband’s cats return to our residence after a nine month hiatus at my father-in-law’s house and have since used every opportunity that you can think of to say, “Hey, look! There’s Hagen!” or “Where’s Ccino?” So far, I have had about a 100% success rate with this method whereas saying “Look at the clouds!” or “Look at the train!” is not always fool-proof. At least these particular animals are good for something.

Singing: When all else fails, sing. For real. I find this to be most effective in the car, but it also helps at very odd times like in the bathtub, downtime during the day and waiting in the doctor’s office/waiting room. Singing is actually the only way I was able to make the last 20 minutes of my recent trips home in peace because Piper had finally had enough of sitting in the car and refused to go unnoticed any longer. I sang ‘Twinkle, Twinkle’ at least 10 times in a row (because if I stopped, she immediately started crying again) and all was right with the world. I have also made up a song for each of them that I will often revert to when I cannot think of anything else to sing, but that doesn’t always work very well. I’m working on adding more variety to my repertoire.

In most cases where behavior is ill-timed or unwelcome from a child, taking a different perspective is all one really needs to do in order to change it. Getting a little creative with parenting does require more work than simply reacting to a situation, but the results are clear: your children will be happier. If you can use the art of distraction just a few times each day instead of the automatic yell or stern tone, you’ll notice it really isn’t difficult at all and it will be second nature in no time. Go ahead, distract away.

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Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

• On being a more playful parent — Isil at Smiling like Sunshine shares how the Playful Parenting book impacted her.
• Parenting a toddler through play — Alicia at I Found My Feet lists some examples of how she uses play to parent through everyday tasks and challenges.
• Splashing in Puddles — Abbie at Farmer's Daughter shares how she learned to get dirty and have fun with her little boy.
• Say Please — Cassie at There's a Pickle in My Life explains how they taught their son manners by "play," showing that actions speak louder than words.
• No Nanny Needed — Laura at Our Messy Messy Life wishes parenting through play was her only responsibility during the day.
• I'll Run Away With Gypsies — Nikalee at Spotted Pandemonium maneuvers physical and emotional obstacles while spinning playful tales, jumping through hoops, and inspiring the kids to clean the living room.
• A Promise To My Daughter — Lindsey at An Unschooling Adventure writes a poem for her daughter promising to use play instead of anger when facing difficult situations.
• Parenting Through Play — Not Always Easy But Always Rewarding — Amy at Peace4Parents discusses how play hasn't always come easily to her, the power of appreciative observation, and how her family learns together through play.
• Imagination Plays a Role in Our Parenting — Tree at Mom Grooves shares how parents can use play to set the foundation for communication and understanding.
• A Box of Crayons — Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction talks about how a simple box of crayons has become a wonderful parenting and teaching tool.
• The Essential Art of Play — Ana at Pandamoly shares some of her favorite lessons available for young ones through play.
• The Art of Distraction — Amanda at Let's Take the Metro shares a list of distracting alternatives to harsh punishments in tough parenting situations.
• Grace and Courtesy Games at Home or School — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now has ideas for grace and courtesy games that help you encourage courteous behavior without reprimanding your child.
• I am woman, hear me roar! — Mrs Green from Little Green Blog shares how one simple sound can diffuse an argument in an instant.
• Getting Cooperation Through Play — Amyables at Toddler In Tow talks about respecting the worldview of a preschooler by using play to encourage connection and cooperation.
• Playful Parenting = Extra Energy?? — Momma Jorje didn't think she had the energy for playful parenting. See what she was surprised to learn…
• Dance Party Parenting — Laura from A Pug in the Kitchen learned how to be the parent her children need through play.
• Wrestling Saved My Life — Wrestling is as vital to her son's well-being as babywearing once was, finds Hannah at Wild Parenting.
• Parenting through play — By playing with her children, Tara from MUMmedia is given amazing opportunites to teach, train and equip her children for life.
• Parenting Through Play Starts in Infancy — In a guest post at Natural Parents Network, Issa from LoveLiveGrow shares that though she only has a 3-month-old, playful parenting has already started.
• Play Before Sleep — Adrienne at Mommying My Way writes about how playing and singing with her son before he falls asleep helps calm her frustrations that tend to arise at night.

• Playful Parenting — Or 5 Lessons My Son Has Taught Me About Parenting Through Play — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama has learned to be a better parent by following her toddler's lead in play.
• Hurry up! Hurry up! I mean it! Quack, quack, quack! — Kellie at Our Mindful Life leads a trail of ducklings
• On the Road: Learning to Play — Seonaid at The Practical Dilettante discovers her inner adult through a summer of playing with her children.
• Preventing Tantrums Through Play — Gaby at Tmuffin explains how she keeps her household happy by not taking things too seriously.
• Carnival of Natural Parenting: Parenting Through Play — Lily, aka Witch Mom, redirects unwanted behavior in a toddler using games and play.
• Exaggerating for effect — Lauren at Hobo Mama has learned how to ham it up.
• Handling Big Emotions with Role Playing — Zoie at TouchstoneZ plays at tempering her parental frustrations while helping her children handle some big emotions
• How To Herd Toddlers by Talking Pictorially — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama demonstrates how talking in pictures is a playful way to engage your young child in transitioning from one activity to the next.
• Getting a Toddler to Go Where You Want…Playfully — Sylvia at MaMammalia describes how a game of hide-and-seek can be used to steer a wandering toddler in the direction of her choosing.
• Playful Parenting: Chores That Do Themselves — Remember chores when you were a kid? If chores were this fun for Chante at My Natural Motherhood Journey, she wouldn't have needed any reminders!
• Clown School Express: Playing away Fears — MudpieMama describes how she helped her boys confront their fears about starting kindergarten by playing with trains.
• Practicing Playful Parenting — Terri at Child of the Nature Isle realizes that playfulness is the best way through the day and seeks more ways to practice it.
• Today, Tomorrow and Every Day — Starr at Taking Time addresses her children in a letter sharing with them how improtant it is that they spend their childhood playing.
• Learning Through Immersion — Luschka at Diary of a First Child shares how she helps her daughter develop naturally without focusing on teaching, but rather by immersing her in their family's way of life and making her an active part of her environment.
• Play Here Now — Jessica at Instead of Institutions learns and relearns and tries to remember the value of play.
• Play: A Wonderful Parenting Tool — Mamapoekie from Authentic Parenting offers a list of examples on how to use play in real-life parenting situations.
• Playful Parenting — a Book Review — Erica at ChildOrganics shares simple yet sage advice from Dr. Cohen on how play can change your child's life.
• Mock Threats: Turning Real Frustration into Playful Parenting — Threatening is not an effective discipline strategy, but Dionna at Code Name: Mama explains how parents can turn their frustration into playful moments by making "mock threats."
• I'm Sick of Yelling — I Want to Play — Alicia at McCrenshaw's Newest Thoughts realizes she needs to change the way she's parenting and is forming a new plan.
• Sing-along, Brush-along Songs — Shana at Tales of Minor Interest shares a few songs to make brushing her three-year-old's teeth more fun.
• Monster Voice — Ever have those frustrating moments with your kid(s) when you just want to scream? Amy at Anktangle shares a silly strategy for getting through those difficult times.

Wordless Wednesday: The Beach

Wordless Wednesday: Color

I Don't Like What I See

Not so long ago, one of the pages I follow on Facebook posted a question to her fans. She wondered if they had done things differently with each of their children (if they had more than one) and whether or not they notice a difference in the children. She specifically referenced things like babywearing, breastfeeding, cry-it-out and co-sleeping and their reverse counterparts, most of which I have duel experiences with. This question really got me thinking and as a result, I don't like what I see.

First, let me give you some background information.

• I nursed Heidi for 10 1/2 months until I no longer made milk due to pregnancy with Piper. Piper nursed for 14 months.

• Despite Heidi breastfeeding for most of the first year of her life, she started sleeping through the night before she was 2 months old. At the time, it never occurred to me for her to sleep with me because she slept all night in her crib. Prior to that, she had been sleeping with me off and on because I realized that when she slept with me, she slept for longer periods of time.

• On the other hand, Piper literally slept with me for more than a year. Even though she would start out the night in her crib, I was often too lazy to even attempt to put her back in because of how tired I was. When she cried, I'd simply pick her up, nurse her and go back to sleep with her next to me. She started sleeping through the night somewhere around her first birthday and by 15 months of age, she was sleeping in a twin bed with a bed rail. (I'm still reasonably pleased with myself for figuring out that after all that time sleeping in a bed, it was only understandable that she would prefer a bed to a crib.)

• I semi-discovered babywearing while Heidi was tiny, but I did not invest in a high quality carrier. It was some sling type thing that served a small purpose, but it wasn't my favorite. When I got pregnant with Piper, I knew I would need one so I could give myself the advantage of having two hands pushing a shopping cart or just around the house. I invested in a Connecta and never looked back. I wore Piper almost all the time, especially after we first moved here and she couldn't walk with us to the canal yet. Eventually, I started wearing Heidi in the Connecta as well, but she was already well into toddler-hood by the time that happened.

Why is all of this important?

Well, when I looked at this question, I began to look at the differences I see between Heidi and Piper and relate them to their different upbringings. Yes, I am fully aware that they are two different people and any difference between them could simply be due to that fact, but I know that 'nature' cannot account for 100% of a person's traits. It is with those eyes that I look at Heidi and Piper and see differences that I feel I could have changed.

• Since before Heidi was a year old, she has utilized a blanket to fall asleep. She also requests a blanket whenever she is crying, even if I'm holding her. My one saving grace is that it's never the same blanket, but the idea that my comfort alone is not enough for her sometimes is disheartening. Piper has no need for trinkets of any kind.

• I have noticed a general sense of insecurity in Heidi that I do not see in Piper. It's hard for me to describe, especially without you knowing her or having ever been in her presence so you'll just have to trust me. I see this insecurity in her throughout the day, manifesting in her whines and cries for various things. Again, I know this certainly could be age-related, but when I see such a vast difference in Piper, I feel it's something more.

I hate to think that I might have wronged one of my children in some way that will affect how she is in the future. I know that I cannot blame myself for not knowing the benefits of something like co-sleeping until well into Piper's first year, but I can't help but wonder if Heidi would have been different had I breastfed her for at least her entire first year, worn her often and had her sleep with me for as long as she wanted.

I don't know how to fix this.

My one glimmer of hope is that Heidi has now started waking up in the middle of the night and coming into our bed with us. Then she'll sleep as usual until the morning, but at least she's getting a new chance to feel the comfort and stability of the family bed. Plus, I do wear her from time to time, occasionally at home and when carts for two children are unavailable.

This is the big question: What can I do to turn this around? 

Have you done things differently with multiple children? Did you notice a difference between them?

Everything's Better When It's Homemade

Welcome to the August Carnival of Natural Parenting: Creating With Kids
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our participants have shared how they make messes and masterpieces with children. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
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I’m pretty big on homemade things. You may or may not have noticed, but I like to make things for my children as often as I can and I accept homemade gifts for them as I would a gift of solid gold. They’re not quite at an age where I can create thing with them (although we have made a few attempts) so in the mean time, I will make as much for them as I can and hope it will last through to the next generation.

Heidi's doll on the left, Piper's on the right.

I have always appreciated items made by hand, but having children has caused my appreciation to quadruple. My mother made a lot of things for me as a child, many of which I still have, and she has already continued that tradition by making things for Heidi and Piper. For their last birthdays (Heidi’s 2nd and Piper’s 1st), my mother took two doll bodies and painted their respective faces on them, sewed matching hair on each one and dressed them in semi-homemade clothes. Although the dolls spend more time naked than clothed, they get a lot of love. The hair on Piper’s doll has already seen better days and needs some refurbishing, but I love knowing that these gifts are already so appreciated.

After I discovered Mama’s Felt Café, I decided to try my hand at making homemade toys and haven’t looked back. I already made some “numbered felt squares” for them and have gone on to make a plethora of felt photo frames as gifts. I plan to make my own felt food to give to them for Christmas when they may or may not get a kitchen from Santa. Naturally, plastic food is often easier to wash, but, well, it's also plastic. Since I've been trying to rid my house of as much plastic as I can (a long and tedious process), I prefer to give them some homemade food because to me it holds much more value.

But I didn't stop at felt fabulousness.

I love skirts and have always loved them in one sense or another. Watching my children play, I've noticed that their movements are often restricted by their pants, mostly because they do not have any pants that were specifically made to fit cloth diaper butts. I thought to myself, "Self, how hard can it be to make a skirt? It's just two pieces of fabric sewn together, right?" Well, almost. While I was relatively successful at making Heidi a skirt for Christmas, it was only because I used elastic for the waist. I'm pretty bad at hems and wouldn't have a clue how to do a proper waist without the elastic (I'm working on it). Nevertheless, I have sewed two play skirts for her that allow for plenty of movement and are sufficient enough to withstand multiple washings and rough toddler play. I long to make more, but every day I resolve to sit down at the sewing machine, I am repeatedly distracted for some odd reason.

Nothing is going to stop me from making more and more homemade items for my children. As they grow, I will include them in whatever practices they find interesting and I will always reinforce the notion that homemade is better than anything found in a store. I look forward to making many Halloween costumes, toys, dresses and whatever else they fancy. After all, what could be better than having an infinite catalog of goodies (mom) at your disposal?

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Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

• Family Draw Time Art Show — Kate Wicker shares art (and inspiration!) from her family's cherished tradition of family draw time.
• The Rules of Creativity: Learning to Create with the "Non-Creative" — Zoe at Give an Earthly shares how she learned to accept her "non-creative" child and claims that anyone, child or adult, can be creative given the right handling and environment.
• Creating With Kids: 4 Ways That Work For Us — See how Kristin at Intrepid Murmurings nurtures creativity with her kids through craft projects, outdoor creative play, celebrating the creative process, and setting up "little spaces of beauty."
• Creating memories, not things — Mrs. Green from Little Green Blog reflects on life with a ten year old and how 'creating together' has evolved from 'things' to memories.
• The Gift of Creation — It may be hot, but Kellie at Our Mindful Life is already thinking about winter.
• Hidden Talents — Sylvia at MaMammalia describes how providing the opportunity for creativity sometimes means learning to look for hidden talents in unusual places.
• Creating Joy — CatholicMommy at Working to be Worthy shares how she and her one year-old son create joy for their community.
• How to do Crafts with Kids — Gaby from Tmuffin guest posts at Natural Parents Network and describes how to keep things simple when doing crafts with kids for magical (easy-to-clean, and tantrum-free) results.
• Sugar & Spice & Baking on the Kitchen Floor — Carrie at Love Notes Mama enjoys making a mess in the kitchen with her daughter.
• Young Scientist Makes Purple Potion — Hannah at Wild Parenting loves being a lab assistant for the young scientist in her life.
• Making a butterfly house — Lauren at Hobo Mama demonstrates the proper way to build a wooden butterfly house with a preschooler.
• Nurturing Creativity — Amyables at Toddler In Tow shares the enjoyment she feels in nurturing the creativity of her children.
• Home School Music - Sparking A New Generation Of Musicians — Based on her musical background, Chante at My Natural Motherhood Journey talks about how she creates with and teaches music to her children.
• Creating (im)perfectly Together — Mudpiemama shares some of the highlights of a summer spent building everything from ships to hoops but most of a lesson on letting go of perfection.
• Family Soccer Kick Around — When her children wanted to play soccer, Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children helped organize something that would work for her family.
• Creating Memories Together on Skype — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now tells how you can create memories online with adult children or anyone who lives in another city or country.

• We'll always have Halloween: Creating costumes for kids — Jessica Claire at Crunchy-Chewy Mama is not the craftiest mom on the block, but she does make a mean homemade Halloween costume.
• Let's Make Juice! — Wendylori at High Needs Attachment shares about the benefits of juicing with kids, as well as a quick recipe.
• Everything's Better When It's Homemade — Amanda at Let's Take the Metro praises the art of homemade goods.
• Creating the Opportunity for Art — Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction shares how her family has created an environment conducive to art.
• 10 Easy and Functional Crafts Preschoolers Can Do with Minimal Assistance — Dionna at Code Name: Mama offers ten easy crafts preschoolers can do while sitting near parents — but they don't need a lot of parental help. Added bonus: all of these ten ideas double as something functional (gifts, decor, educational).
• Creating with Kids: Singing Together — Ana at Pandamoly details the important role music takes in her household and provides a quick (and easy!) tutorial for creating fun songs to sing together!
• Create This — jessica at instead of institutions considers different aspects of creativity including those without an end product.
• Make Your Own Pocket Bib — A tutorial from Amy at Anktangle on how to make two simple and quick bibs to keep your little one clean at the table.
• Creating Together in the Kitchen — Despite not feeling "crafty," Momma Jorje finds a way to create and connect with her toddler.
• An Artist-Mama's Perspective — In this post, Shannon at The Artful Mama discusses the differences between her choice of artistic outlet and her son's, and how they embrace those differences together.
• Heart of the Home — Jona at Life, Intertwined shares some highlights of cooking with kids.
• Getting creative with kids — Isil at Smiling like Sunshine shares how much she enjoys watching her daughter getting creative.
• Creating with Children - The Nature/Seasonal Table — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama celebrates the rhythm of the natural world with her toddler through the creation of a seasonal nature table.
• How Involving My Kid Saves My Sanity — The Happy Hippie Homemaker explains how involving her toddler in projects allows her to get more done, while providing valuable opportunities to teach and to bond (added bonus: amazing oatmeal raisin cookie recipe!).
• In the Kitchen with Kids — Cooking with Real and Pretend Food — Terri from Child of the Nature Isle engages her kids in the kitchen with culinary creations of both real and pretend food.

Teaching Empathy

Among the many things I am teaching Heidi and Piper on a regular basis, empathy is one that I am currently focusing on more than others. Of all things that they could be learning right now (especially Heidi), I believe this to be one of the most important. Therefore, at every opportunity (that I remember) I use the following verbiage as education:

"Heidi, that was so nice of you to give Piper that toy! Look at her face; do you see how happy she is? She loves playing with that. That was a wonderful thing for you to do."

"Piper is very upset. Do you see how she's crying? You know how you cry when you get upset? That's how it feels for her."

"Thank you for helping me with that. I felt really good when I had your help."

"It hurts the plant when you do that. Please be more careful when you're touching it."

Yes, I have recently started adding foliage and plant life to my "daily" empathy lessons. Why? Every plant, bush, tree and flower is a living entity with energy. If it is a live, I believe it can feel on some level. This is what I was taught throughout my childhood as my mother helped me to feel the energy of every plant we worked with in our garden and to respect its life. I feel this is absolutely as important as teaching both of them to respect each other, other people and animals because we all inhabit the same space and are therefore entwined.

An image comes to mind whenever I think of this and I hope to someday put it to paper, hang it on a prominent wall in my home and point it out to my children at every opportunity possible.
Picture a man standing on the ground. Next to him stands a lion, dog, elephant, giraffe, horse or whatever animal you feel particularly fond of (and even more importantly, those you don't). Also next to him you find trees, flowers and other plants, all in a line. One does not overlap the other and no one stands higher than another. We all stand on the same ground. The trees take root in the ground above it and below it, just as the plants do. The lion, elephant, dog, and horse also stand on the same ground the plants receive life from and the man, woman or gender neutral human-like being also stands on that same ground. So you see, we are no different. Therefore, how can we not relate to all of them?

We feel empathy because we are alive. Human. Yet the same energy that makes us alive also makes the flowers and the snakes and the sharks alive. We are one and it's time we all started acting like it.

Teach empathy.

Wordless Wednesday: The Heavy Wetter

This post will show you most of the overnight combinations I have tried with Heidi, my extreme heavy wetter.

No, She Can't Count to Ten

Recently, we visited the pediatrician for Heidi's 2.5 year check-up. Aside from the excessive questions about why I don't give my children milk, one part of the conversation stuck out for me, enough that it is still bothering me to this moment.

Pediatrician: "Can she count to at least ten?"
Me: "Um...no...She has counted up to as much as six before, but, um.. no."
Pediatrician: "Does she know her colors?"
Me: "Uh..she's doing a lot better with them...she has been picking them out a lot more recently..."
Me: "But she knows a lot of other things...She can recognize most animals, even ones like elephants and zebras..."
Pediatrician: "OK..."

I have many problems with this, obviously, but before I get into that, here are some of the things Heidi does know (or can do):

- She knows the difference between an airplane and a helicopter, recognizes trains, bridges, cars, trucks, jeeps, motorcycles and especially garbage trucks.
- She can identify most animals, including (but not limited to) cats, dogs, birds, frogs, turtles, fish, elephants, giraffes, horses, cows, ducks, chickens, geese, crabs, bears and bugs (yes, I know they're not technically animals...)
- She has known all her body parts for well over a year now.
- She knows that sitting in the driver's seat of the car, she should put the key in the ignition. Yes, this is so thrilling to me.
- She has know that a key is used to unlock a door for well over a year, despite me saying anything to her about it.
- When she pees in her diaper, she takes it off and puts it in the laundry room. (This makes more sense if you know that we cloth diaper.)
- She says, "Thank you" for almost everything and is starting to also add "Please" and "No, Thank You" to her repertoire.
- She loves to "cook." In fact, this is how 80%+ of her play pans out. (No pun intended.) She usually "makes" soup, dishes it out on to various "plates" and serves it to all of us complete with spoons.
- She understands 'Canal etiquette,' meaning she automatically moves aside to allow other people to pass when we are walking there (e.g. bikers, runners).
- When playing with other children (not Piper) she is always polite enough to give them back their toys when they get upset about sharing.
- She knows the moon, stars, sun, rain and wind and has now started telling me when it's light or dark outside and when it's raining.
- She loves to draw with any medium she is given. She is also particularly fond of gluing things into a collage and wiping the glue all over herself.
- She is intensely musical. She dances and sings every day, plays one of the various instruments we have (harmonicas, recorders, drums) and loves movies with music in them. I don't ever want this passion to be stifled.

I'm currently taking a class at my church and this past Sunday, one thing spoken by the teacher really struck me (though I unfortunately must paraphrase because I didn't write it down).

If you give a child blocks with letters on them, the child has infinite possibilities. When you teach them to spell, their possibilities are suddenly limited, restricted. This is how I feel about Heidi "knowing her numbers and colors." Right now, she has endless possibility in her life. She has the rest of her life to conform to the rules society imposes on her and know the things she's "supposed to know." I will not limit her potential (yet) with these finite rules.

Often, when I ask her what a specific color is, she says, "color." It wasn't until just the other day that it hit me just how ingenious this is. Of course it's color! Does knowing which color it is make the finger paint any squishier in her fingers? Does it make the markers any more fun to play with or the crayons any less vibrant? If there were no names for colors, would we know their distinctions any less? It is color; it doesn't have to be anything else.

So no, my daughter can't count to ten because my daughter is limitless.