Mindfulness Challenge #2 - Words

For my second task, I wanted to work on the words that I use, both externally with my children, husband and other people and internally with myself. As much as I stress the importance of word usage with others, specifically my children, I felt it as important (if not more important) to address the state of my internal dialogue.

These are words to live by.

First, I decided to start with something seemingly simple: telling my children that I love them more each day.

It's very easy to tell a tiny baby that you love her. She's soft, sleepy and adorable and just oozes cuteness. It is much harder to tell an older toddler or child who has so many "imperfections," or a teenager with so many "annoyances," or a husband with so many "problems," that you still feel that love. I know that the number of times I say "I love you" to anyone during the day has dwindled and I must constantly remind myself that though my actions may speak those feelings, I need to voice them as well.

Somehow, this has proven to be much more of a challenge than I thought it would be. Often, at the end of the day, I try to review how many times I told Heidi and Piper that I love them and find myself falling short of my goal. I have not set a specific number of times I need to say this every day, but I like for it to be more than once. I don't always exceed that number. Obviously, this is a work in progress, but it will always provide a good exercise in being mindful.

I came up with another fabulous idea for this challenge with regards to my internal thinking and "shoulding" on myself. I wanted to create a "should" jar, similar to that of a swear jar except every time I had a "should" thought, I would write it down and place it in the jar. This could be something as simple as "I should have started dinner earlier" or as complex as "I should have gotten a degree in Biology." (Please note that those are merely examples and not necessarily my exact thoughts.) When the jar got full, I decided I would burn the papers inside thereby releasing all of those negative thoughts I had.

I never even made it to the jar.

My desire to stop "shoulding" on myself actually worked itself out on its own. I was so conscious of every 'should' that entered my mind, thinking of later writing it down (and never did) that I all but stopped having those thoughts. Is this to say that the word 'should' never enters my mind anymore? No, certainly not. But I have trained myself to push it out of my thoughts immediately if it happens. I've noticed that I feel significantly better about my inner dialogue and as a result, I think I have been using that word out loud less and less. Benefits for all.

Finally, I want to mention two words I am working on removing from my vocabulary entirely: 'whatever' and 'jealous or jealousy.' Most of us know how the word 'whatever,' when used in certain context, can cause a certain sting. That is, naturally, the context to which I am referring. I'll still say things like, "Whatever works!" or "Whatever option is best for everyone," but I have been holding myself back from using the word with the intention to hurt. In an argument especially, I have found myself in the past saying, "Whatever!" when I could no longer come up with something logical to say or I wanted to cut off the person I was arguing with by saying something snappy and curt. I find that the best way to combat the 'whatever' tendency, for me, is not to say anything at all. In that space, I am able to turn the intended 'whatever' into what I'm really wanting to say, what I really feel. I hope that this change will improve my communication style in general and force me to work harder at putting my thoughts/feelings into words.

He's not jealous of anything. Except maybe your couch.

I've also decided to get rid of jealousy. Why? Because there is no place for jealousy in my life. When you covet your neighbor's wife (which is something I'm sure you all do every day ;)), you aren't really after the wife; you are after everything she represents, her qualities and the marriage she has helped to create with your neighbor. When your friend goes on vacation and you say, "I'm so jealous you got to go on vacation!" what you're really saying is "I want to go on vacation!" This seems pretty obvious, right? But then why add the aspect of jealousy to it? If you want something, want it for yourself, not because someone else has it.  

The person who has it has earned it.

To be jealous of their earnings is, well, (for lack of a better word) childish. It just doesn't make sense to spend your energy being jealous of someone else having something when you could be putting that energy somewhere else, like getting whatever it is that you want. Therefore, I am no longer allowing this word to come out of my mouth (or fingers). I'm happy that you got to go on vacation and I look forward to the day I can as well. I'm so relieved that you married such a wonderful person and you have a wonderful life together. I'm glad you have a great car that can get you where you need to go and whenever I'm ready for it, I will too. See how that changes the tone of things?

Staying true to its title, this post is full of words. A lot of them. I apologize. But I am so pleased that I started this challenge for myself and I am looking forward to continuing. Next I'll be tackling my eating and though I've recently become a vegetarian, that hasn't stopped me from eating late, in front of the TV. This is one of the biggest habits I want to erase and will surely be one of the biggest challenges as well. Here goes nothing...

Mindfulness Challenge #1 - Gratitude

After following Hybrid Rasta Mama's Mindful Mothering Challenge, I decided I wanted to do something similar (yet different) for myself. Thus, I created my own Mindfulness Challenge with specific "problems" I wanted to work on.

For my first task, I decided to focus on gratitude. Not so long ago, my pastor mentioned this question in one of his weekly talks: How can we get anything new if we aren't grateful for what we already have? So many people are constantly in a state of "want;" wanting new clothes, wanting a better car, wanting a better job, etc. without stopping all the wanting and genuinely being thankful for everything that has already been given to them. I, like most of you, am guilty of wanting many things: I'd like to have some newer clothes, some day I'd like a newer car and I would like a job teaching as an adjunct because I feel it would afford me the best of both worlds, some extra income and time to spend with my children.

There is a ton of stuff in my house, stuff that no one sees or uses, and yet here it sits. How can we expect to bring anything new and useful in if we aren't properly using what is already here? I have started giving away many, many things on a regular basis that I know we don't use to make way for the new things I know are coming to us.

Another thing I have done is to start writing weekly Gratitude Posts to overtly express all that I am grateful for each week. It is enough for me to know that I am grateful, but I have already been so fortunate to have several other people join me in expressing their own gratitude. It's hard for me to express how grateful and happy this actually makes me because though I had hoped my gratitude would speak to others, I never presumed that so many others would be interested in joining me in reflection. I am so amazed at how much my thankfulness has grown and continues to grow in myself and through others.

The work that goes into being grateful is never truly done, but I feel that I have made the best start in creating a more thankful atmosphere in my life. I want to live my life in thankfulness and absolutely exude gratitude in every moment of every day. I want to be thankful from the moment I awaken to the moment I go to sleep at night and allow gratitude to govern my actions. I've said this before, but I believe that acting out of gratitude is equal to acting out of love. In either case, only good things can come from your actions.

No one has ever been hurt from being too grateful (at least not that I know of!) and as I continue to be mindful about including gratitude in my life I know that with gratitude, all good things will follow. I will be thankful everyday for things that I have had in my life, everything I have now and all the things I will have when I need them.

Thank you for being here. I hope you will thank at least one person today.