Who Paid The Price For You?

Last week, I had the privilege of attending church at Unity Village, which is essentially the headquarters for the faith I have followed most of my life. I visited this amazing place once before in my life when I was in 6th grade so it had been well over 10 years since I set foot on those grounds. After dropping my children off in two childcare areas, I headed down to the chapel, got my bulletin and sat down. The first time tears began to well up in my eyes was upon looking at the bulletin and reading the words:

"Welcome Home."

This may not mean anything to you, but as someone who took a 10 year (give or take) hiatus from this way of life and only recently found an amazing church to attend relatively close to home, this is a powerful statement. So powerful, even now it makes me want to cry. Ahh..moving on.

What I want to primarily focus on here is the amazing message given by Rev. Erin McCabe that was centered around a single chapter of a book the congregation had been studying week by week. The title of this chapter, as you might have guessed, is:

"Who paid the price for you?"

Wow.

If I could have taken a step back upon hearing that question, I would have, but since I was sitting down my hand automatically jumped up to my heart.

Wow again. This is such an interestingly phrased, deep, probing question that I almost immediately began to cry (again). Why?

I thought of my grandmother. A woman who has had such a difficult life filled with near constant abuse, poverty and terrible loss. This is a woman who was never formally educated beyond the 3rd grade. I have a Master's degree. I have never known physical abuse. I have never lived in poverty.

I am so lucky.

She paid the price for me.

Who paid the price for you?

Naturally, the minister at Unity doesn't know anything about my grandmother, but what she did talk about was the women's suffrage movement. Most of the women and young girls today hardly give this movement a second thought beyond what they study in school and yet if it weren't for those women, they might not be studying at all.

Years ago those women fought for a woman's right to choose her life, to have control and to be who she wanted to be. But, as the minister reminded us, they did not fight for our right to defile our bodies. They did not fight for our right to sell ourselves or to work ourselves to death. It is essential that we realize all that our ancestors went through in order for us to have the lives we have today and not to dwell but rather passionately respect the rich past we all have.

We all have elements in our own pasts that may not please us or make us proud, but they are part of who we are, a part that we cannot change. I think it is important for us to understand what our past meant and what the people in our past endured in their time.

Think about this question for a while. I'd really love to hear your take on it.

I Am Enough

Take a deep breath in and let it out. Close your eyes and repeat this to yourself:

I. Am. Enough.

Let this be your mantra this week (and hopefully for weeks to come.) Say it with me again:

I. Am. Enough.

Repeat it as often as you need to: in your head, out loud or scream it if you have to.

You were created, crafted to be the person that you are. You were made on purpose. How could you not be enough when you were made to be enough?

On a daily basis, most of you are struggling with your own worth. For one reason or another, you have lead yourself to feel as though you're a bad person, mother, wife, sister, citizen or something else. Today I tell you, you have a choice. You no longer have to feel this way. You can choose to believe and know that you are enough.

 If you read yesterday's post about removing certain words from your vocabulary, you might also have started to practice the art of forgiveness, specifically yourself. When you forgive yourself, you acknowledge that you are enough and accept that everything you have ever done has also been enough.

Forgive.

In forgiving yourself, knowing that you are enough, you will teach your children the exact same thing. Teach your children that they are enough and they always will be. But remember first:

You. Are. Enough.

Don't "Should" On Yourself

I would like to set a new goal for you: Make the word "should" a curse word in your house. Here's why:

Merriam-Webster defines "should" in the following ways (emphasis added):

1 - used in auxiliary function to express condition

2 - used in auxiliary function to express obligation, propriety, or expediency

3 - used in auxiliary function to express futurity from a point of view in the past

4 - used in auxiliary function to express what is probable or expected

5 - used in auxiliary function to express a request in a polite manner or to soften direct statement

Let's think about this for a moment. How many times a day do you use the word, "should" in reference to yourself? How many times do you use it for others? Now, how often do you put "should" and "have" together? That, my friends, is a one-way ticket on the guilt train and it needs to stop.

"I should have baked chocolate cake instead of vanilla."
Well, why didn't you? Is it because you're a slacker? Is it because you don't care? Is it because you're in favor of vanilla over chocolate? Do any of these questions even matter?

NO. When you set yourself up with a "should have" statement, you ignite an almost never-ending self-beratement (<-- it's a word now!) in your mind. How long does it take for you to go from "should have" to "I'm a horrible person?" When something is probable or expected and you do not fulfill those obligations, you spiral into a "should have, could have, would have" cycle that ends in pain, depression and guilt.

Enough already. Get the word "should" out of your vocabulary just like you would any other curse word. Instead of "I should go to work today" say "I'm going to work so that I can provide for my family."
Instead of "I should have said something to her" say "Even though I didn't get the words out this time, next time I will be more relaxed and more prepared."
Instead of "I should try to be a better parent." say "Every day I am the best parent I can be as I continue to grow with my children."

To get rid of the "should have's," you must forgive yourself. Forgive every "missed opportunity," every "failed obligation," every "unfulfilled expectation." There is no place for "should have" in your life. You don't need self-projected guilt in your life. Forgive and move on.

I implore you to try this for one week and see if you notice a difference in your own thoughts and behaviors. After that week, come back and tell me how you feel. Look for tomorrow's post to help you even more.