Seeing the Garden Through the Weeds

Welcome to the May Carnival of Natural Parenting: Growing in the Outdoors

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have shared how they encourage their children to connect with nature and dig in the dirt. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

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I hate weeding. Let me rephrase that.

I hate weeding.

No different? Yeah, it isn’t any different to me either.

As a child, my mother and I did a lot of gardening. She worked tremendously hard to make our yard a beautiful sanctuary where I spent long summer days fantasizing about fairies and far-off places. I loved watching the flowers change throughout the season from pansies and daffodils to irises and lilies. I also loved being able to eat the fresh vegetables I helped grow and understanding what real, fresh food should taste like. Though I took a break from gardening in my upper teen years, I returned to the tried and true methods I grew up with when I started a family.

I was lucky enough to marry a man who already owned a home so when he found out I wanted to garden, he had an area in the backyard tilled for me. I was newly pregnant during our first summer together but already envisioning the following year and how I would take the baby out to the garden with me every day while I weeded and picked vegetables so he or she could experience the outdoors and learn about our food. Unfortunately, reality is not exactly the utopia I imagined.

One of Heidi's first trips outside.

Children love being outdoors. But children also love moving around a.k.a the opposite of sitting still while mom is gardening. Sure, I still got some stuff done, but with a newly mobile infant, it was difficult to truly concentrate on what I was doing while making sure my daughter wasn’t eating rocks (good for parakeets, bad for children). I tried putting her on a blanket with lots of toys to distract her, but she did not find that nearly as amusing as eating grass. I also attempted to confine her to a swing or stroller, but particularly in the swing, she managed to climb half out of it and then proceed to enlist my help to further her exit.

With my second child, it wasn’t any better. Initially, she was not at all fond of grass and actually found it revolting to the point of tears. My older daughter was also at this time exploring the boundaries, or lack thereof, of our yard and habitually wandered towards the front of the house where there was no fence. Needless to say, I did not get a lot done while they were with me.

Piper in a brand new outfit.

 Still, I had a garden and I got a lot from it. I was able to give my children food I had grown myself and sometimes give it to them straight off the plant. I haven’t given up on teaching them responsibility via horticulture because as long as they are continuously exposed to it, it will become a part of their lives. Right now, they still don’t want to sit still and watch me carefully extract weeds, spread soil or delicately plant seeds, but I know that some day they will. Leading by example is my current MO so I will press on and continue to show love, compassion and dedication towards everything I grow.

They will be weeding before they know it.

"A man is ethical only when life is sacred to him, that of plants and animals as well as that of his fellow man, and when he devotes himself helpfully to all life that is in need of help." - Albert Schweitzer

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Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

• Get Out! — Momma Jorje gives reasons she doesn't think she gets outside enough and asks for your suggestions on making time for the outdoors.
• How Does Your Garden Grow? — The ArtsyMama shares her love of nature photography.
• We Go Outside — Amy at Peace 4 Parents describes her family's simple, experiential approach to encouraging appreciation of nature.
• My Not-So-Green Thumb — Wolfmother confesses to her lack of gardening skills but expresses hope in learning alongside her son at Fabulous Mama Chronicles.
• Enjoying Outdoors — Isil at Smiling like Sunshine describes how her children enjoy the nature.
• Five Ideas to Encourage the Reluctant Junior Gardener — For the rare little ones who don't like to get their hands dirty, Dionna at Code Name: Mama offers tips for encouraging an early love of dirt (despite the mess).
• Connecting to Nature — Mamapoekie shares how growing your own vegetable patch connects your child to nature and urges them to not take anything for granted.
• The Farmer's Market Classroom — Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction shares how the Farmer's Market has become her son's classroom.
• Seeds — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment's hubby Ken shares his perspective on why gardening with their kiddos is so important . . . and enjoyable!
• Toddlers in the Garden — Laura at A Pug in the Kitchen shares her excitement as she continues to introduce her toddler and new baby to the joys of fresh veggies, straight from the garden.
• Nature's Weave — MJ at Wander Wonder Discover explains how nature weaves its way into our lives naturally, magnetically, experientially, and spiritually.
• Becoming Green — Kristina at Hey Red celebrates and nurtures her daughter's blossoming love of the outdoors.
• Little Gardener — Rosemary at Rosmarinus Officinalis looks forward to introducing her baby girl to gardening and exploring home grown foods for the first time.
• Cultivating Abundance — You can never be poor if you have a garden! Lucy at Dreaming Aloud reflects on what she cultivates in her garden . . . and finds it's a lot more than seeds!
• Growing in the Outdoors: Plants and People — Luschka at Diary of a First Child reflects on how she is growing while teaching her daughter to appreciate nature, the origins of food, and the many benefits of eating home-grown.
• How Not to Grow — Anna at Wild Parenting discusses why growing vegetables fills her with fear.
• Growing in the Outdoors — Lily at Witch Mom Blog talks about how connecting to the natural world is a matter of theology for her family and the ways that they do it.
• A Garden Made of Straw — Kelly at Becoming Crunchy shares tips on making a straw bale garden.
• The Tradition of Gardening — Carrie at Love Notes Mama reflects on the gifts that come with the tradition of gardening.
• Gardening Smells Like Home — Bethy at Bounce Me to the Moon hopes that her son will associate home grown food and lovely flowers with home.
• The New Normal — Patti at Jazzy Mama writes about how she hopes that growing vegetables in a big city will become totally normal for her children's generation.
• Outside, With You — Amy at Anktangle writes a letter to her son, a snapshot of a moment in the garden together.
• Farmer Boy — Abbie at Farmer's Daughter shares how her son Joshua helps to grow and raise their family's food.
• Growing Kids in the Garden — Lisa at Granola Catholic shares easy ways to get your kids involved in the garden.
• Growing Food Without a Garden — Don't have a garden? "You can still grow food!" says Mrs Green of Little Green Blog. Whatever the size of your plot, she shows you how.

• Growing Things — Liz at Garden Variety Mama shares her reasons for gardening with her kids, even though she has no idea what she's doing.
• Moments — UK Mummy Blogger explains how the great outdoors provides a backdrop for her family to reconnect.
• Condo Kid Turns Composter and Plastic Police — Jessica from Cloth Diapering Mama has discovered that her young son is a true earth lover despite living in a condo with no land to call their own.
• Gardening with Baby — Sheila at A Gift Universe shows us how her garden and her son are growing.
• Why to Choose Your Local Farmer's Market — Naturally Nena shares why she believes it's important to teach our children the value of local farmers.
• Unfolding into Nature — At Crunchy-Chewy Mama, Jessica Claire shares her desire to cultivate a reverence for nature through gardening, buying local food, and just looking out the window.
• Urban Gardening With Kids — Lauren at Hobo Mama shares her strategies for city gardening with little helpers — without a yard but with a whole lot of enthusiasm.
• Mama Doesn't Garden — Laura at Our Messy Messy Life is glad her husband is there to instill the joys of gardening in their children, while all she has to do is sit back and eat homegrown tomato sandwiches.
• Why We Make this Organic Garden Grow — Brenna at Almost All The Truth shares her reasons for gardening with her three small children.
• 5 Ways to Help Your Baby Develop a Love of the Natural World — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama believes it's never too early to foster a love of the natural world in your little one.
• April Showers Bring May PRODUCE — Erika at NaMammaSte discusses her plans for raising a little gardener.
• Growing Outside — Seonaid at The Practical Dilettante discovers how to get her kids outside after weeks of spring rain.
• Eating Healthier — Chante at My Natural Motherhood Journey talks about how she learns to eat healthier and encourages her children to do the same.
• The Beauty of Earth and Heavens — Inspired by Charlotte Mason, Erica at ChildOrganics discovers nature in her own front yard.
• Seeing the Garden Through the Weeds — Amanda at Let's Take the Metro talks about the challenges of gardening with two small children.
• Creating a Living Playhouse: Our Bean Teepee! — Kristin at Intrepid Murmurings shares how her family creates a living playhouse "bean teepee" and includes tips of how to involve kids in gardening projects.
• Grooming a Tree-Hugger: Introducing the Outdoors — Ana at Pandamoly shares some of her planned strategies for making this spring and summer memorable and productive for her pre-toddler in the Outdoors.
• Sowing Seeds of Life and Love — Suzannah at ShoutLaughLove celebrates the simple joys of baby chicks, community gardening, and a semi-charmed country life.
• Experiencing Nature and Growing Plants Outdoors Without a Garden — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now shares some of her favorite ways her family discovered to fully experience nature wherever they lived.
• Garden Day — Melissa at The New Mommy Files is thankful to be part of community of families, some of whom can even garden!
• Teaching Garden Ettiquette to the Locusts — Tashmica from Mother Flippin' (guest posting at Natural Parents Network) allows her children to ravage her garden every year in the hopes of teaching them a greater lesson about how to treat the world.
• Why I Play with Worms. — Megan of Megadoula, Megamom and Megatired shares why growing a garden and raising her children go hand in hand.

Look What I Made!

I came across Mama's Felt Cafe during the first Carnival of Natural Parenting that I participated in and I was hooked immediately. Her stuff is absolutely amazing and exactly what I'm looking for to slowly replace some of the less-desirable toys we have with ones that I can feel proud about and will hopefully last a long time. And if you don't want to make these things yourself, you can always visit her Etsy shop!

When I saw her tutorial for "Squishy Squares," I immediately thought "Well, that looks like something I can do!" She breaks everything down really well so that you know exactly what you are doing and how you are going to do it. Unfortunately, I am incredibly slow and this task took me for.ev.er. OK, it took about two weeks but it still felt like forever. Anyway, I know mine don't look half as good as hers (please check hers out because they're awesome :)), but they are done and the jingle a little. I've watched both Heidi and Piper play with them numerous times since I made them, so it was worth it.

Please note: I was not compensated at all for my opinions here. I wrote everything of my own free will :)

The End: 40 Days of Homemade Food

I know I totally slacked on this post, but I'm sure you didn't miss it...until now!

I really don't have anything Earth-changing, spectacular or miraculous to say about our Lenten challenge to eat only at home. While we did basically complete this challenge, we did end up ordering pizza more than I would have liked to and having fast-food (mostly chik-fil-a, which is thought to be the best fast food restaurant) also much more than I would like to. Of course, I journeyed to NY to visit my mother, so I am quite unsure of what Steve did during that time. :)

I will say that this was not as difficult as I thought it might be, which may be partially due to the fact that I cook at home almost every day anyway, but when you know you cannot eat out, you tend to throw things together to eat fairly quick. Even when I was so tired I didn't want to move, I still had to make dinner and I did. I often think about women who were housewives in the '50's or earlier who literally had no choice but to make three meals a day, sometimes with multiple courses, to please their husbands. I wonder how they managed to pull that off while still keeping the house clean and taking care of children and then wash most of their dishes by hand and do a lot of laundry by hand. Ugh, it makes me want to take a nap just thinking about it.

Some how, we all get through each day and still have the will to do it all over again tomorrow. I think making all meals at home really isn't out of anyone's league and is probably a lot more feasible than you think. It doesn't always have to be fancy and doesn't have to make sense. It's food. We need it to survive. We're going to chew it up and digest it anyway so relax a little. There's plenty of room for fancy, put together dinners, but if you do that a couple of times a week, feel free to throw random things together and call it a meal on the other days without any guilt. The point is, you're eating at home, you're eating together as a family and you're eating whole, real foods rather than buying something someone else made that came from who-knows-where.

On that note, here is a recipe for something I made the other day that I found completely tasty.

2 cups cooked brown rice
1 can kidney beans, rinsed and drained
1 onion, sliced
2-3 cloves garlic, sliced
1 green onion, sliced
1 can tomato sauce
2 handfuls of mushrooms, chopped
1 handful of spinach (or however much fits in the pan), chopped a bit
Salt
Pepper
Oregano
Basil
Onion Powder
Garlic Powder

1. I sauteed the onion and garlic in coconut oil, added the mushrooms and the green onion (this is because I forgot I had both of those in my fridge and added them last minute).
2. Add beans and tomato sauce, stir and bring to boil. Throw in spinach, reduce heat to low and allow spinach to wilt.
3. What's that? I forgot to season? Yeah, you bet I did! I took the girls outside and when I came back (this had been sitting on low for about 20-30 minutes), I added all the seasonings above. Serve over brown rice.

Wordless Wednesday: The "Garden"

Ithaca Finds

While visiting my mother outside of Ithaca, NY, I was able to get a number of fantastic things. First up, at Mama Goose, I got all of this stuff for free! What? Yes! I was able to sell some older clothes and things to them and I took store credit in return, allowing me to walk out with some new things for Heidi. Plus, I still have a little left over for whenever I get up there again (or if my mother wants to use it), which always makes me happy. I'm cheap so spending as little as I possibly can on anything I buy is my main goal.

If you are ever in the Ithaca area, I would definitely recommend going there if you have children or are pregnant. They carry both used and new items and everything is usually in really good condition. It's also a really great store for grandparents to go because everything is really cheap and they can go crazy buying nice clothes for their little ones. Example A: My mother purchased 2 dresses and 2 skirts (one each) for Heidi and Piper because they were there.

I was also lucky enough to get to the Ithaca Farmer's Market, a place that has no equal for me yet, and I purchased some awesome blue/purple potatoes to have for Easter dinner. Naturally, there was really minimal stuff at the time I went there (plus we also go there right before they were closing), but I still enjoyed seeing all the evidence of people who truly care for nature and natural living. It annoys me, though, that this farmer's market opened in the beginning of April, yet I cannot seem to find one around me that opens before the end of May and where I live is 10 degrees warmer!

Finally, I visited Jillian's Drawers. I cannot emphasize their awesomeness enough. They are awesome! They have everything: cloth diapers, maternity/nursing wear, quality toys, locally made goods, shoes, slings and carriers, strollers, you name it! Everyone on their staff is equally as amazing, warm and informative, always friendly and willing to help. They have a common room in the store that is used by various groups for meetings about breastfeeding, PPD and even toddler music groups. The employees will often have their children in the store with them and they are also paid a living wage! Even though I hate spending money, I am always proud to give them some because it goes to working mothers who are treated really, really well. Here's what I got:
 
 I bought a Prorap cover and a Thirsties Duo cover (both used), two locally made mama pads, a set of cutlery for Heidi made from corn or something (I threw the packaging away), a set of spoons for Piper (BPA free) and some more mama pads from Imse Vimse. I was pleasantly surprised by these because I thought there were two in the package but there were three! Once I use them, I will certainly let you know how they work out.




If you ever have the chance to go on vacation to the Ithaca area, I think you will be extremely pleased with what you find. The whole area is very child-centered, Earth-conscious and fun-loving so you will not have a problem finding something to do that fits your lifestyle. Baby wearing and NIP is the norm, as is Organic goods. And they have waterfalls. You can't miss!

I Am a Racist

On a whim, I decided to participate in this amazing Multicultural Awareness Carnival hosted by Bicultural Mom. I hope you will take the time to check out all the other great posts and raise your own awareness a little.

In my last semester of undergraduate study, I had a lot of space to fill. I decided to take a relatively generic graduate course in hopes that it would transfer as credit for my graduate degree. In this class, I became so aware of myself and of ever-present issues that are ignored I felt as though some day I could make a career out of it. Though that hasn't happened yet, I must say that Multicultural Issues in Counseling was one of the best courses I ever took.

It was because of this class that I learned how much psychology majors are sheltered to the work of other nations and how little they are prepared to work with anyone of a different race. In my four years of school, I was taught about white, western European men and white American men who led the way in all things related to psychology. These men studied white, middle-class people in their respective countries (predominantly male) and dared to generalize their findings to the entire human race.

Today, of course, we know this is not true and there are those who teach how to interact/counsel African Americans, Native Americans and Asians and to respect the differences in their cultures that may seem to go against everything we have been taught about psychology. However, these tidbits were few and far between and not necessarily in classes every psychology major took. How then can these students be released into the world and expect to have the knowledge necessary for every situation?

I would love to design a program that forces every psychology student (or even every student period?) to take a multicultural class. I would like to impart change on something so monumental, but we shall see if that is the path I follow.

On another note, this is not the topic I wanted to focus most on for this post. I cannot think of many movies that have had a profound impact on my life, but the one that I repeatedly call to mind is The Color of Fear, a film I saw in this class. This movie changed a part of who I am more so than almost anything I have ever seen (You can also read about one of the books that changed my life here).

This film chronicles a type of group therapy related to racism. Eight men (two white, two Hispanic, two Asian and two Black) sit in a circle and discuss their own, very personal experiences with stereotypes and their effects. This movie is very, very powerful. I believe everyone should see it and everyone's children should see it, when they are old enough. It is because of this film that I learned the truth; I am a racist. And the truth is, you are too.

Before you go into full attack mode, stress mode, hate mode or whatever, listen (or read, as is the case here). There is one man in the film who refuses to admit that he is a racist, yet he holds ridiculous stereotypes of all races as truths. You can feel the frustration of all the other men in the room as they try to help him realize what he is saying and it is, at times, agonizingly painful to watch this man act so ignorant.

Another man in the film openly admits that he is racist almost from the start. It is a fact that he has declared about himself and is trying to work through. This man was my inspiration for admitting to myself that I am racist and since that time, I have been putting forth the effort to change. This is no easy task, mind you; It is not as though one day you can wake up and stop being racist. But even if it takes the rest of my life, I will never stop fighting it.

I have never uttered a racial slur. The "N" word offends me. I empathize with those cultures who are consistently under attack by Hollywood and the media and I did not find 'Borat' or his other movie the least bit entertaining. I have never felt more fear in my life that I did the first time I saw a documentary about the Ku Klux Klan. The Holocaust holds a special place in my heart because every time I think of it, my soul cries.Yet, I am still a racist. Say it with me.

"I am a racist." Yes, you are. Be honest. The first step is always to admit you have a problem. My mother taught me to be tolerant of all people. Church taught me to be tolerant of all people. Society taught me to be racist. And it probably taught you too.

When I walk into a store, am walking down the street or driving in a city and I see a Black person, a part of me cringes. I know in my head that this is a ridiculous response, yet I cannot help it. When I go to a store where Hispanic people are working, I feel stand-offish. And you know what? I am half Hispanic. 


That is racist.


Why do I do this? Again, my mother never told me to be afraid of Black people or to disrespect Hispanic people, especially because I am one. But the news has. When we see African Americans portrayed on the news, how do they look? Do they look angry, mean, thug-like? Are we told to be "on the look out" for men who look like this because they are dangerous? When Black people are interviewed on the local news, how often are they from a lower class neighborhood where they do not speak "high" English? What's that? You don't see African Americans interviewed on the news? I don't much either.

Change the channel. How many shows about Black people do you see? Hispanic? Asian? And the ones you do see, how are those individuals portrayed? Do they all have Ph.D.'s and sit around discussing philosophy? Now let's turn the table. What about White people? How often do you see the same plot lines over and over again that do nothing but make us seem like complete idiots?

"Oh no! I lost my wedding ring! Watch me go through a million hilarious hijinks to try and get it back but learn a lesson in the end that I could have learned in the first place had I just talked to my spouse." Ha ha ha. Not.

What are we learning in this country? What are we teaching each generation, to fear? To disrespect? To look for stereotypes, and if we can't find any, make them up?

Change starts with me. And change starts with you. We can expose our children to every available culture, every inch of history and every known false stereotype to make them understand that we are all human. Every idiosyncrasy in every culture is "normal." It may not be normal to me, but it is normal to someone and that should be respected. I do not want to be a racist, but I am. Every day I make that effort so that one day I can honestly say otherwise.

Good Job, OK?

 

This post is part of The Peaceful Housewife's Natural Parenting Blog Party.


Dionna at Code Name: Mama and Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama recently wrote two fabulous posts. Dionna discussed 7 Alternatives to Telling Your Child "Good Job!" and Jennifer talked about The OK Phenomena, two very interesting issues in the world of parenting. I loved each post because they gave fantastic alternatives and explanations as to why these are bad habits to fall into and difficult to overcome. As I read both of these posts, I thought to myself, "Self, I'm glad I don't do these things. Looks like I'm on the right track." Unfortunately, something happened that I did not intend (I sound like I'm in Lord of the Rings here, but let's go with it).

The same way that psychology students suddenly have every mental disorder they study, I started unintentionally saying "OK?" at the end of my sentences and "Good job!" where I never have before! How could something like this happen to me, a person who is normally so conscious of what she says and how she says it, especially to her children? I don't read posts about not spanking children and then subsequently spank them; I don't read articles about how bad high fructose corn syrup is and then give it to my children, so why this? What made these two articles different?

First I must say that I have great respect both for Dionna (who does a million things and still manages to be a mother) and Jennifer (who is so sweet and insightful she is sure to make anyone feel good) and I consistently enjoy their thoughts on each of their respective pages. I completely absolve them of all responsibility; my actions are my own.

I think that when I read these articles, I suddenly became so conscious of the words they mentioned that they kept floating to the surface in my brain when I was speaking. I was trying so hard not to say them that they were all I could say. Well obviously I wasn't going to entertain this manner of speaking when it naturally opposed how I normally try to speak, so I needed to make some quick changes before these words became part of my new vocabulary.

First, I consciously cleared my mind every time I wanted to say, "Good job!" or "OK?" I also do this in place of saying, "No!" too hastily (and will post about all that eventually) and I find it to be fairly effective for myself. Purposely pausing before saying anything can really make a difference.

I've also started to twist the words around or use a substitute word. Sometimes when I want to say, "OK?" I say, "Understand?" instead. While that may not be any better, it has helped me to not make ending every statement with a question as if I don't know what I'm talking about. When I say, "Understand?" it falls clumsily out of my mouth and makes me not want to say anything.

Even though Dionna gives a list of what to say or not say instead of "Good job!", I've started to come up with my own creative ways of saying something positive in place of the generic. Sure, sometimes I might just say, "Yay!" or "That was great!", but I also tell whoever it is that that was a really nice thing to do, it made so and so very happy. I'll also say things like, "Look what you did!" in a way to help initiate pride in my child.

I will never stop trying to be a better parent. That means I will never stop reading articles, posts or comments that will help me change positively. I know that sometimes I may take a step or two back, but as long as I keep thinking creatively and focus on the action I am trying to change, I can achieve anything.