I Do Bad Things When My Children Are Sleeping

This post is part of The Peaceful Housewife's Natural Parenting Blog Party.

First of all, when my children go to bed or take a nap, I watch TV. This is bad because I normally limit their television viewing to less than 2 hours every day and most days they do not watch TV at all. However, as soon as they are in bed for sure, I pop on that set and let my brain soften, muscles relax and eyes gloss over. Then I turn on my laptop and slip into full vegetative mode.

Next, I eat things that I will not normally eat in front of my children, like potato chips or ice cream. Sometimes I eat a whole ‘second dinner.’ And where do I eat this food, you ask? I eat it in front of the television, while I’m on my laptop! Sometimes I drink juice or iced tea and when I’m really, really bad, I drink soda! Are you gasping yet? I am! Especially since I still consider myself to be a natural parent.

What’s wrong with this picture? Well, very simply, I have habits that I have maintained for most of my life and though I have worked to remove them, some are more difficult than others. I still like to watch TV every now and then, especially at night because it helps me unwind. I’m also slightly attached to my computer, mainly because it is very often the sole source of intellectual communication that I have. At the very least, I try to maintain composure around my children to prevent bad habits from forming in them.

The only reason that I have curtailed my own screen time and changed my eating habits is because of them. I was always fairly conscious about my nutritional intake, but I did not eat nearly as many organic items as I do now. Plus, I also forced myself to eat things I never used to like (beans) because I knew they were good for me and I wanted my children to grow up familiar with them. As far as screen time is concerned, I’ve actually grown to dislike having the TV on all the time because it actually makes me antsy after a while, not to mention the fact that there is hardly anything worth watching on it anyway.

While my children have had a very positive influence on my life, I still have some things I need to iron out in order to be a better role model. I figure I have quite a bit of time, though, since they do still take naps *crossing fingers* and it will be a number of years before they go to bed closer to the time I head off to sleep. And if I never change (which I doubt), they will simply have to live with the fact that I’m not perfect, something I’m sure they know anyway.

Favorites - Take Two

The team of volunteers for Natural Parents Network is an amazing group of women. Below is a list we have compiled to represent our favorite posts on our blogs. Since it is also Natural Parenting Blog Party time, this list is especially pertinent because even though all of these women may not be participating in the party, their blogs are all about natural parenting.

• Joella at Fine and Fair shares An Unusual Gripe with Bebe Gloton.
• Amy at Innate Wholeness offers simple Tips to be Present with Family whether you're having fun or would rather run and hide in a cave.
• Momma Jorje shares some good news and important information about Lindane and Lice.
• Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama shares sound bites from her miscarriage journey of forgiveness and gratitude.
• Shannon at Pineapples and Artichokes writes about how she is trying to raise her daughter to be accepting of everyone in Let's Talk About Diversity.
• Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama discusses the overuse of the word "no" and offers some aid in finding creative ways to avoid "no."
• Melissa at The New Mommy Files: Memories, Milestones and Missteps shares The Case for Instinctual Mothering.
• Suchada at Mama Eve shares Sleep, Crying, and Balancing Closeness with Boundaries.
• Shannon at The ArtsyMama shares Ten Things I Wish I Knew Before Little Man.
• Kristin at Intrepid Murmurings shares Babywearing Twins: Tips and Tricks for Babywearing Two.
• Julia at A Little Bit of All of It tells the story of how motherhood came to her and how a miscarriage shaped her feelings and perceptions surrounding the birth of her first daughter.
• Emily at Embrita Blogging shares 10 Things That Make Me Happy.
• Lauren at Hobo Mama shares Postpartum sex vs. sex before kids.
• As part of an ongoing series about balance, Amy at Anktangle writes about a daily ritual she has adopted to help her maintain balance in her life.
• Cynthia at The Hippie Housewife is reminded that while the days may sometimes be long, the years are short, and after a rough day the best thing to do is give thanks for the best parts and try again tomorrow.
• Dionna at Code Name: Mama offers 7 Alternatives to Good Job: "Good job'ing" kids can be a mindless habit to fall into. Instead of using a generic "good job," try one of these ideas to really connect with and nurture your child.
• Darcel at The Mahogany Way shares the ultimate boredom busting activity for children of all ages.
• Alicia at Lactation Narration discusses the long journey of child-led weaning, during which she thought several times that her child was weaned before she really was.
• Mandy at Living Peacefully With Children: Letting go of the illusion of control opens up a an entirely new world.
• Luschka at Diary of a First Child talks about the battle between breastfeeding and formula feeding mothers and the industry that stokes the flames of a war on mothers.
• Mary Michael at The Accidental Natural Mama recounts her journey from "Mother" to "Mama".

Five Things I Do with My Children Instead of Watching TV

This post is part of The Peaceful Housewife's Natural Parenting Blog Party.

I want to have children, not zombies so I limit the amount of television we watch during the day. If we watch anything, it is usually a movie within the confines of the 2 hour per day limit set by the American Academy of Pediatrics. Most of the time, my children play uninterrupted, but when I pause to interact with them, here are some of the things I do.  

Look out the Window: Both of my daughters love looking out the window. It provides a seemingly endless array of opportunities for learning and quiet observation. There is always something interesting to point out to them or just something to reinforce. We watch people walking different kinds of dogs, adults carrying groceries, children playing and whatever nature has in store.

Heidi mopping the floor.

Use My Child as a Mop: Heidi loves to move, as most toddlers do, and has recently taken to dancing with assistance. When she doesn’t want to do that, I slide her all over the floor either on her butt or on a blanket. Naturally, I do this in the kitchen and not on our carpeted floors and I try not to pull on Heidi’s arms too much. Instead, I use her butt or the blanket she’s on as a propellant and she slides easily all over the floor. I get tired of doing this long before she does, but at least I know she’s receiving attention from me, getting exercise and feeling connected to me all at once.

Sing a Song: And while you’re at it, dance! Heidi loves to sing, mostly gibberish, but occasionally she’ll throw some real words in there. Very often she will simply sing “sing a song” over and over again and I usually join her. At times when all else has failed and she needs to be redirected from something she’s doing, I will “sing a song” to get her attention and return her to a happy, playful mood. Singing leads to dancing, which often leads to the above mopping. All of these things take up a good portion of our day.

Run Around in Circles: The first floor of our apartment is essentially a circle; the living room is open to both the dining room and kitchen, which surround the laundry room. As you might imagine, this presents a perfect opportunity for running, chasing and playing peek-a-boo. When all else fails, I instigate a chase and let her get some good running in, followed by some sort of quiet activity. Piper even gets in on the action crawling as fast as she can (since she’s not yet up to running) after whoever is closest to her. This often turns in to quite the family activity and is much more fun than watching TV.

Go Upstairs: When I need to put a lot of clothes away or do something else that requires my attention upstairs, I take H & P with me. I put the gate up so they can’t go down the stairs and I let them run back and forth between their rooms, playing with toys they don’t normally play with during the day. It also offers them a change of scenery, something that is especially important when we cannot go outside.

Naturally, we do many, many other things while not watching television, but most of them are things you’ve already read about. I try to get creative (when inspiration strikes me) to keep them more interested in using their minds than being mindless so as I think of more interesting things to do, I will be sure to share them with you.

Natural Parenting Blog Party, Day 1!

For Day 1 of the Natural Parenting Blog Party, we have the option to answer a few questions about ourselves. If you care to know, here are mine. :)

1. How many children do you have, and how old are they?

I have two girls who are 2 and 1.

2. Do you have a partner, or are you a single parent?

I'm married, but some days it feels as though I'm a single parent. :)

3. What are your “hot button” parenting issues?

While many issues are so important to me, the one I find most difficult to deal with is the idea of self-fulfilling prophecy. I could go on forever desperately trying to explain how imperative it is to watch what you say to your children, how you say it and especially how you talk about your children in their presence, but I find the best thing I can do is make sure that I monitor my own words with regards to my own children.
 
4. Have you made any parenting choices that you didn’t think you would make before you were a parent, i.e. cloth diapering a child when you had previously thought it was disgusting?

There are a lot of things I never thought about before I became a parent. One that is coming to mind is circumcision because even though I didn't have to make that choice, had I had a boy, I would have had him circumcised without a second thought. I never thought about baby wearing or co-sleeping either, but I am eternally glad I was not afraid to learn.

5. Is there one book or person in particular that’s heavily influenced your parenting choices?

Honestly, I haven't read any parenting books. The book that has had the most influence over my entire life, and ultimately over the way I parent, is The Tao of Pooh. 
 
6. If you had to describe each of your children using only one word, what word would you use?

Heidi = Adventurous
Piper = Love
 
7. Is there one parenting decision that you regret more than others and wish you could change?

I think what I wish most is that I did more research when I was actually pregnant with Heidi, rather than after she was born. I *regret* her birth and her sister's birth and many of the things I did with Heidi as an infant (not making my own "baby food,"not starting her on real solids sooner, not co-sleeping...). 
 
8. Is there an area of your parenting you wish you were better at?

I'm very patient, but sometimes I still have a temper and I still yell. I'd like to stop that. 
 
9. Now for the fun questions – is there one particular food or type of food that you could eat every day?

I love artichokes and salad. I would eat them any time, anywhere, any day.
 
10. Vanilla ice cream or chocolate?

It's funny that is was chocolate my whole life, but recently I'd rather eat vanilla :)
 
11. What’s your guilty pleasure?

Uh..Facebook?
 
12. If you could be part of any television show, which show would it be?

Rather than a TV show, I'd be a part of Lord of the Rings, Star Wars (the original ones) and/or Harry Potter :)

Chocolate. Need I Say More?

I do not like sweets. I hate doughnuts, Twinkies, cheesecake and any type of frosting that isn't made from whipped cream. So believe me when I say this: If you make these cupcakes, you will eat all of them. Immediately.

My mother made this recipe for her birthday to treat herself (because she has been following Weight Watchers) and I'm pretty sure that in two days time, I ate about 5 of these things (which is A LOT for me). Hey, I didn't want the whipped cream to go to waste!

Double Chocolate Cupcakes (From the Light & Easy Cooking Collection)

1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 cup sugar
1/4 unsweetened cocoa
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 cup unsweetened orange juice
1/3 cup water
3 tblsp vegetable oil
1 tblsp vinegar
1 tsp vanilla extract
1/3 cup semisweet chocolate mini-morsels
1 tsp powdered sugar (I think this is technically optional)

Combine first 5 ingredients in a medium bowl; make a well in the center of mixture. Combine orange juice, water, oil, vinegar, and vanilla; add to dry ingredients, stirring until just moistened. Fold in the chocolate morsels.

Spoon into foil or paper-lined muffin pans, filling two-thirds full. Bake at 375 degrees for 12 minutes or until a wooden pick inserted in center comes out clean. Remove from pans immediately; cool on a wire rack. Sprinkle with powdered sugar. Yield: 1 dozen (about 153 calories each).

Instead of sprinkling with powdered sugar, we dipped the tops of the cupcakes in whipped cream and sprinkled extra mini chocolate chips on top of that. Hold me back.

You must make these!

Worldless Wednesday: My Mother's House

I Am the Change

Welcome to the April Carnival of Natural Parenting: Compassionate Advocacy

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have shared how they advocate for healthy, gentle parenting choices compassionately. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

***

When I find out someone I know is having a child, depending on how close I am, I immediately open myself up to her, offering any help I can give if she desires it. That is the extent of what I do, unless of course she actually acts upon my offer.  After I throw my knowledge out there in an ‘if you ever need anything/have any questions, just ask’ way, I sit back and wait. I bounce up and down metaphorically as I linger patiently to see if she will pick my brain, knowing that the slightest question she asks could cause me to erupt in a 500,000 thousand word sermon about anything and everything I believe in. Inevitably, this will cause her to shut down and retreat, covering her eyes and whispering, ‘I don’t know that woman.’

Recently, I received a wake-up call. To put it simply, I call upon the overused idiom, “Be the change you want to see in the world.” I get annoyed by how frequently I see this statement (because I despise excess repetition of anything), but I have not stopped to really think about its meaning in quite some time. After someone gave me the nudge I needed, I looked in the mirror. If I want to give advice to anyone, answer anyone’s questions, be a better wife, mother, or citizen of the world, I first have to start with myself.

If I want other women/mothers to come to me with questions about nursing, baby wearing, cloth diapers, or natural parenting in general, I need to be the person they want information from. If I want my children to develop good habits, be respectful, open-minded, knowledgeable, caring and loving, I need to exemplify all of those things as their role model. If I want my husband to follow what I do and listen to everything I have to say, I first need to respect, acknowledge and show my gratitude for the work that he does to support our family. I am going to be the change I want to see in the world and that is the best way I know to be an advocate.

***

Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

(This list will be live and updated by afternoon April 12 with all the carnival links.)

• Natural Parenting Advocacy by Example — Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction uses her blog, Twitter and Facebook as her natural parenting soapbox.
• You Catch More Flies With Honey — When it comes to natural parenting advice, Kate of The Guavalicious Life believes you catch more flies with honey.
• From the Heart — Patti at Jazzy Mama searches her heart for an appropriate response when she learns that someone she respects wants his baby to cry-it-out.
• I Offer the Truth — Amy at Innate Wholeness shares the hard truths to inspire parents in making changes and fully appreciating the parenting experience.
• Advocating or Just Opinionated? — Momma Jorje discusses how to draw the line between advocating compassionately and being just plain opinionated. It can be quite a fine line.
• Compassionate Advocacy — Mamapoekie of Authentic Parenting writes about how to discuss topics you are passionate about with people who don't share your views.
• Heiny Helpers: Sharing Cloth Love — Heiny Helpers is guest posting on Natural Parents Network to share how they are providing cloth diapers and cloth diapering support to low income families.
• Struggling with Advocacy — April of McApril still struggles to determine how strongly she should advocate for her causes, but still loves to show her love for her parenting choices to those who would like to listen.
• Compassionate Advocacy Through Blogging (AKA –Why I Blog) — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama shares how both blogging and day-to-day life give her opportunities to compassionately advocate for natural parenting practices.
• A Letter to *Those* Parents — Zoie at TouchstoneZ shares how to write an informed yet respectful reply to those parents — you know, the ones who don't parent the way you do.
• Why I Am Not A Homebirth Advocate — Olivia at Write About Birth is coming out: she is a homebirth mom, but not a homebirth advocate. One size does not fit all – but choice is something we can all advocate for!
• Why I Open My Big Mouth — Wolfmother from Fabulous Mama Chronicles reflects on why she is passionate about sharing parenting resources.
• Watching and Wearing — Laura at Our Messy Messy Life advocates the joys of babywearing simply by living life in a small college town.
• Compassionate Advocacy . . . That's The Way I Do It — Amyables at Toddler in Tow describes how she's learned to forsake judgment and channel her social energy to spread the "good news" of natural parenting through interaction and shared experiences.
• Compelling without repelling — Lauren at Hobo Mama cringes when she thinks of the obnoxious way she used to berate people into seeing her point of view.
• I Am the Change — Amanda at Let's Take the Metro describes a recent awakening where she realized exactly how to advocate for natural parenting.
• Public Displays of Compassion — The Accidental Natural Mama recounts an emotional trip to the grocery store and the importance of staying calm and compassionate in the storm of toddler emotions.
• I will not hide behind my persona — Suzi Leigh at Attached at the Boob discusses the benefits of being honest and compassionate on the internet.
• Choosing My Words — Jenny at Chronicles of a Nursing Mom shares why she started her blog and why she continues to blog despite an increasingly hectic schedule.
• Honour the Child :: Compassionate Advocacy in the Classroom — Lori at Beneath the Rowan Tree shares her experience of being a gentle and compassionate parent — with other people's children — as a classroom volunteer in her daughter's senior kindergarten room.
• Inspired by the Great Divide (and Hoping to Inspire) — Rosemary at Rosmarinus Officinalis shares her thoughts on navigating the "great divide" through gently teaching and being teachable.
• Introverted Advocacy — CatholicMommy at Working to be Worthy shares how she advocates for gentle parenting, even though she is about as introverted as one can be.
• The Three R's of Effective and Gentle Advocacy — Ana at Pandamoly explains how "The Three R's" can yield consistent results and endless inspiration to those in need of some change.
• Passionate and Compassionate: How do We do It? — Kelly at Becoming Crunchy shares the importance of understanding your motivation for advocacy.
• Sharing the love — Isil at Smiling Like Sunshine talks about how she shares the love and spreads the word.
• What Frank Said — Nada at miniMOMist has a good friend named Frank. She uses his famous saying to demonstrate how much natural parenting has benefited her and her family.

• Baby Sling Carriers Make Great Compassionate Advocacy Tools — Chante at My Natural Motherhood Journey shared her babywearing knowledge — and her sling — with a new mom.
• Everyday Superheroes — Who needs Superman when we have a community of compassionate advocates?! Dionna at Code Name: Mama believes that our community of gentle bloggers are the true superheroes.
• Words of advice: compassionately advocating for my parenting choices — MrsH at Fleeting Moments waits to give advice until she's been asked, resulting in fewer advocacy moments but very high responsiveness from parents all over the spectrum of parenting approaches.
• Peaceful Parenting — Peaceful parenting shows at Living Peacefully with Children with an atypical comment from a stranger.
• Speaking for birth — Lucy at Dreaming Aloud soul-searches about how she can advocate for natural birth without causing offense.
• Gentle is as Gentle Does — Laura at A Pug in the Kitchen shares how she is gently advocating her parenting style.
• Walking on Air — Rachael at The Variegated Life wants you to know that she has no idea what she's doing — and it's a gift.
• Parenting with my head, my heart, and my gut — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama shares her thoughts on being a compassionate advocate of natural parenting as a blogger.
• At Peace With the World — Megan at Ichigo Means Strawberry talks about being an advocate for peaceful parenting at 10,000 feet.
• Putting a public face on "holistic" — Being public about her convictions is a must for Jessica at Crunchy-Chewy Mama, but it takes some delicacy.
• Just Be; Just Do. — Amy at Anktangle believes strongly about her parenting methods, and also that the way to get people to take notice is to simply live her life and parent the best she knows how.
• One Parent at a Time... — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment believes that advocating for Natural Parenting is best accomplished by walking the walk.
• Self-compassion — We're great at caring for and supporting others —from our kiddos to other mamas — but Lisa at Gems of Delight shares a post about treating ourselves with that same sense of compassion.
• Using Montessori Principles to Advocate Natural Parenting — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now tells how she uses Montessori principles to be a compassionate advocate for natural parenting.
• Advocacy? Me? — Seonaid at The Practical Dilettante discovers that by "just doing her thing," she may be advocating for natural parenting.
• Feeding by Example — Mama Mo at Attached at the Nip shares her experience of being the first one of her generation to parent.
• Compassionate Consumerism — Erica at ChildOrganics encourages her children to be compassionate consumers and discusses the benefits of buying local and fair trade products.
• The Importance of Advocating Compassionately — Kristen at Adventures in Mommyhood acts as a compassionate advocate by sharing information with many in the hopes of reaching a few.
• Some Thoughts on Gentle Discipline — Darcel at The Mahogany Way shares her thoughts and some tips on Gentle Discipline.
• Compassionate Advocacy: Sharing Resources, Spreading the Love — Terri at Child of the Nature Isle shares how her passion for making natural choices in pregnancy, birth, and parenting have supported others in Dominica and beyond.
• A journey to compassion and connection — Jessica at Instead of Institutions shares her journey from know-it-all to authentic advocacy.
• Advocacy Through Openness, Respect, and Understanding — Melissa at The New Mommy Files describes her view on belief, and how it has shaped the way she advocates for gentle parenting choices.
• Why I'm not an advocate for Natural Parenting — Mrs Green at Little Green Blog delivers the shocking news that, after 10 years of being a mum, she is NOT an advocate for natural parenting!
• Natural Love Creates Natural Happiness — A picture is worth a thousand words, but how about a smile, or a giggle, or a gaze? Jessica at Cloth Diapering Mama’s kids are extremely social and their natural happiness is very obvious.
• Carnival of Natural Parenting: Compassionate Advocacy — Even in the progressive SF Bay Area, Lily at Witch Mom finds she must defend some of her parenting choices.
• A Tale of Four Milky Mamas — In this post The ArtsyMama shares how she has found ways to repay her childhood friend for the gift of milk.
• don't tell me what to do — Pecky at benny and bex demonstrates compassionate advocacy through leading by example.